Tissue Warning: This post may illicit possible tearing-up to an audible sob effect, particularly on mothers, or maybe its just me and my over-loaded pregnancy hormones . . . .
Dear Logan and Kiki,
Yesterday, you attended an "I'm Special, Too!" class for big brothers and big sisters-to-be at the hospital where we will be having your baby sister very, very soon. I am proud to say that you were both at the top of your class! Your little sister is so lucky to have such caring and special siblings awaiting her arrival.
Being a brother or sister can be very difficult, as we are learning all too well this summer. I just finished reading Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, which, along with Ross Greene's The Explosive Child and the course materials from The Art of Positive Parenting class offered through the central-Ohio based organization, Action for Children, have become my course books for my summer educational endeavor, "How to Positively Parent Your Explosive Child and Siblings Without Inflicting Lasting Damage." Unfortunately, I'm failing miserably and will likely have to repeat this course several times.
See, this is much harder than I could have known it would be. I won't make excuses for myself or my mistakes - I'm going to keep trying no matter what - but I want you both to know that if you ever find yourself someday where I am now--well, first of all, if you blame me for all your difficulties being a parent, I likely deserve it, and second, if you don't do it so perfectly all the time, I'll understand. And I hope like anything that I'm still able to come to wherever you and your family are living and hold your hand as you work through it, no matter how huge the mess (Thanks, Nana, for doing that for me!).
The hardest thing about being a parent for me is that, unlike anything else where my potential for failure is so great and the repercussions so massive, this is something I refuse to give up on. I love you both so much, that despite the fact that my biggest fear for you right now is the hurt I might cause you by messing up - not keeping you safe, or not teaching you the right things at the right time, or not being a remotely stable and secure comforter (which, granted, is darn near impossible to do in my present overly-pregnant condition) - I promise you that I will do everything and anything I can to be a better mom to both of you and your little sister, too.
I hope that someday - perhaps on many days - you will look back over this post with me, and we can laugh about the fact that you had no clue I was so completely clueless and incapable of being the perfect parent. (You could try saying, "Gosh, Ma, you must have faked it pretty well, because I thought you had it all under control!" or "Gee, I would have never known you had a moment's doubt about what you were doing, and it all made me the wonderful person I am today!" Those are just suggestions - feel free to add your own thoughts along those lines.) That's unrealistic, I know, but what may not be so unrealistic is that you might read this and think back on these times and the times yet to come and know that I really struggled with being a good parent, as maybe you will too. But I never struggled with loving you.
I love you,
Mommy
There is no perfect parent. We all try to be the best that we can be, but what works for one child, may not work for the next child. Don't be so hard on yourself Tiffany. You love your children and tried to be the best parent that you could be. That is what to tell them when they grow up and blame you for everything wrong in their life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Aunt Sheila | August 28, 2007 at 09:28